“We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield.”
from “Ulysses” (Tennyson)
In moments heavy, thinning in the heat of an everlasting day, when I’m not quite sure my heart has clarity to see and feet the fortitude to move another eternal inch, an error clouds thought every time. I slow to a crawl, forget what got me this far and act like a child or alien to difficulty. As if this particular time, in all its weighted glory, is the first time my heart feels strain, beats quicker and shallower in the face of difficult circumstance. I doubt ability, lose sight of tomorrow and beyond and shrink to the size of the moment …or smaller.
Gone are any traces of faith or courage, valor or bravery, displaced and decayed by worry, fear and everything wrong.
My mistake is to value trust as an option. Trust is never an option. That is, it should never be reduced to only an option.
Maybe you’re like me in that trust is yet to mature beyond the grasp of circumstance. If so, I’d imagine you, too, wrestle with not trusting enough, often responding in difficulty with a heart bent toward doubt and uncertainty.
At any given moment straining, doubt could certainly be seen as a much higher value in my life. Because they remain opposing options, to trust or to doubt, the one with the higher value, the one that makes more sense and seems inevitable, wins.
Perhaps trust needs no measuring at all.
Maybe trust does not need to be matured to any certain size, but constantly present in the heat of a day burning out of control just as in the cooling calm of an afternoon breeze whispering comfort.
Time and circumstance will weaken you. You will fall. You will fail.
Strength comes to those who allow the slightest bit of trust to mix into doubt clouding. From their knees they rise again standing in a moment much too big. Where they have failed, they are found.
All we can ever really do is trust.
Proverbs 3:5-6 :: To trust God with all of your heart requires nothing more than the confession that you are not enough; not your actions, nor your ability or heart.
No moment is ever too big for a heart abandoned to trusting God fully.